Asexuality is experiencing little or no sexual attraction to other people. It is a sexual orientation, not a choice, a disorder, or a phase — and it exists on a spectrum.

There is no test that decides it for you. But a useful signal is whether you experience sexual attraction — the pull toward sexual contact with a specific person — as opposed to aesthetic, romantic, sensual or emotional attraction, which asexual people still feel. If you rarely or never feel the sexual pull, the word may fit.

What is the difference between asexuality and low libido?

Libido is your sex drive; asexuality is about attraction, not drive. An asexual person can have a libido and still feel no sexual attraction to anyone. They are separate things that often get confused.

Is asexuality the same as celibacy?

No. Celibacy is a choice to abstain from sex. Asexuality is an orientation — how you are wired, not a decision you made. Asexual people may or may not choose to have sex.

Can asexual people be in relationships?

Yes. Many asexual people have romantic relationships, marriages and deep intimacy. Attraction comes in more than one kind, and asexual people still experience romantic, sensual, aesthetic and emotional attraction.

a resource guide · from someone who is one

asexuality

i’m ria, and i’m asexual. that one fact is the reason this whole site exists — when one kind of attraction is quiet for you, you notice the other six were never really named. this is the plainest, most useful guide to asexuality i can write, with a large pile of resources at the end.

what asexuality actually is

asexuality is experiencing little or no sexual attraction to other people. that’s the whole definition. it’s a sexual orientation — like being gay or straight — not a choice, not a medical problem, not a phase you’re going to grow out of.

the thing that trips everyone up is that attraction is not one thing. you can be moved by a face (aesthetic attraction), want to be held (sensual), fall for a mind (intellectual), want to build a life with someone (romantic) — and feel none of the sexual pull underneath any of it. asexual people feel the other six. that’s the part nobody tells you.

it’s a spectrum, not a switch

“asexual” is an umbrella. a few of the words that live under it:

asexual (ace): little or no sexual attraction to anyone.
gray-asexual (gray-a): somewhere in the grey area — rare, faint, or only under specific conditions.
demisexual: sexual attraction only after a strong emotional bond has formed.
aromantic (aro): little or no romantic attraction — a separate axis. you can be one, both, or neither.
the split-attraction model: the idea that romantic and sexual attraction are different and can point in different directions. the whole field guide is built on it.

am i asexual?

there’s no quiz that decides it for you, and you never owe anyone a label. but the most useful question i know is this: do you actually experience sexual attraction — the specific pull toward sexual contact with a person — or have you been assuming you must, because everyone acts like it’s automatic?

if the honest answer is “rarely” or “never,” the word might fit. it might not. either way, nothing about you is broken — i made a whole video about the exact spiral of asking this question, because i lived in it for years.

→ watch: am i asexual, or is there something wrong with me

what it keeps getting confused with

almost every argument about asexuality is actually two words being mixed up:

asexuality ≠ low libido: libido is drive; asexuality is about attraction. you can have a sex drive and still feel no pull toward anyone. i explain the difference here.
asexuality ≠ celibacy: celibacy is a choice to abstain. asexuality is how you’re wired. one is a decision, the other isn’t.
asexuality ≠ being unable to be touched: this one cost me an actual relationship conversation. touch isn’t only ever sexual — see sensual attraction. the story is here.
asexuality ≠ trauma or a hormone problem: sometimes people want it to have a cause so it can be “fixed.” it doesn’t need fixing.

asexuality and relationships

asexual people fall in love, get married, have deep physical closeness, and build the kind of intimacy most people are chasing. because — again — attraction comes in more than one kind, and the other kinds are very much online.

i’m asexual and in a relationship. here’s how that actually works, without the guessing:

→ watch: how intimacy works in my asexual relationship

watch — from the channel

→ every asexuality video on the channel

the big pile of resources

start anywhere.
take what helps.

the research

the seven attractions, measured (2026): Sexuality Research and Social Policy — 691 asexual and allosexual people, testing whether the kinds of attraction hold up as distinct. they do. doi: 10.1007/s13178-026-01340-7
asexuality — overview: a solid, sourced starting point on definitions, history and research.
the split-attraction model: where the idea of separate romantic and sexual attraction comes from — the backbone of this whole site.

communities & support

AVEN — the Asexual Visibility and Education Network: the largest ace community online, and where a lot of this vocabulary was first worked out. forums, FAQs, and people who’ve been where you are.
The Trevor Project: crisis support and resources for LGBTQ young people, including ace and aro folks.

books worth your time

Ace — Angela Chen: what asexuality reveals about desire, society and the rest of us. the one i hand people first.
The Invisible Orientation — Julie Sondra Decker: a plain, kind introduction to asexuality. good if you’re newly wondering.
Loveless — Alice Oseman: a novel about figuring out you’re ace and aro at university. fiction that does the explaining for you.

keep reading here

the seven kinds of attraction: the field guide this all feeds into — start with aesthetic, sensual, or alterous.
the essays: one letter a week, on the way to a book called Not the Same Animal.